I finally thought of a viable scheme that even has implied hierarchy! The theme is:
First names of supercar executives!
The undisputed king: Ettore Bugatti. Ettore will be the name of my fastest, most absurd computer, currently my quad-processor AMD system. I highly doubt I'll get an eight-processor system soon.
Next, it takes two to tango: Christian von Koenigsegg and Horacio Pagani. Horacio is the name of my desktop. If I wind up with another comparable system, then it will be named Christian.
Then the not-absurdly-expensive exotics: Enzo Ferrari, Ferruccio Lamborghini, Roland Gumpert, Bruce McLaren (actually not the founder of McLaren Automotive, the road car subsidiary). I'm bummed that Aston Martin, Bentley, Rolls-Royce aren't named after a single person. These will be used for weak dual processor or fast single processor systems.
Finally, the unforgettable: Ferdinand Porsche (Ferry, his son, is also viable). Since Porsches are the lowest rung cars in the supercar land, Ferdinand and Ferry will be used for my two laptops.